The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
