I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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