FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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