i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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