I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
