I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
