Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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