mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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