I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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