i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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