Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
