i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need Xanax blowdarts
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
