Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
