Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
