I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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