Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
