Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
