i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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