I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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