i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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