my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ok first of all what the fuck
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
