When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
