Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
