New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
