I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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