i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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