my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
