if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
