i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
