I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
