cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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