I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she woke up with a sticky ear
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
