dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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