Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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