i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
