I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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