cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
