I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize