I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
