***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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