The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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