I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
