the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize