Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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