so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
