when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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