remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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