hell yes lets make some ravioli
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
