I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
