she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
