you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
