i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
