Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
