I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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