Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
