I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
