I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
