Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
