she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
