In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I supernannyed him into submission
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
