I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
