Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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