I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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