i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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