Dignity is for republicans.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
