The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
