I want to make a zoo with you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
