Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
