He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My dick has a subreddit
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
