i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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