weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
