I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
