if you like me you must not know who I am
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize