watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
