All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
