I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
