I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
