carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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