Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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