I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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